Tuesday, November 28, 2006


Kidnapper shoots himself in the ....

Being a tough guy can hurt sometimes:

The unnamed perp, along with two accomplices, "attempted to kidnap a teenager in a dispute over stereo speakers" in South Wichita on Monday afternoon. The shooter first fired a shot at the intended victim, but missed. He then "jammed the gun back into the waistband of his pants", at which point it went off and popped a cap in his left testicle.

This unsurprisingly caused him to "cringe" which provoked a second discharge which hit him in the left calf. He was cuffed after walking into a medical centre, and later booked into Sedgwick County Jail on suspicion of "aggravated assault and aggravated attempted kidnapping".

Sunday, November 19, 2006


Did aliens make the iPod?

It certainly looks like it:


Air for sale!

Talk about vaporware (in the real sense of the word). A Chinese entrepreneur fraudster is trying to sell World Cup and Olympic air:

Li Jie, who describes himself as chief executive of the Lunar Embassy to China and once tried to sell land on the moon, sought a permit to sell "World Cup air" for 50 yuan ($6.30) a bag to soccer enthusiasts unable to make the trip to Germany this year.

His idea was that fans could hang the green plastic bag around their necks and breathe in the air while watching World Cup matches on television, local media reported.


"The 'special air from special places' I am talking about includes the Olympics, Tiananmen Square, Mount Everest ... the moon, a pigsty, a horse paddock, a sheep pen -- even Chaoyang District No. 3 Court," Li said.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006


Microsoft Firefox 2007

Microsoft Firefox 2007 gives you a different browsing experience:

If you like the product, why not apply for a job:

Chief Executive Officer

The sole purpose of a Chief Executive Officer on the Microsoft Board of Directors, is to be entertaining. The board cannot hope to discuss mergers and acquisitions through the long hours of the evening without a wise cracking CEO jumping around. Thus we are striving to finding that special person who can put the love , and laughs back into day long discussions of taking out the European Antitrust Commission. Being able to lick your elbows is also a huge advantage.


Tuesday, November 14, 2006


Making a mess on the floor?

This may help you pee in the right spot:

Monday, November 13, 2006


No more Spirit

The Onion Reports on Spirit's low spirit:

But as the winter lingered, Spirit began producing thousands of pages of sometimes rambling and dubious data, ranging from complaints that the Martian surface was made up almost entirely of the same basalt, to long-winded rants questioning the exorbitant cost and scientific relevance of the mission

"Granted, Spirit has been extraordinarily useful to our work," Callas said. "Last week, however, we received three straight days of images of the same rock with the message 'HAPPY NOW?'"
Once, when we radioed her to please leave the lecturing and hypothesis-making to the mission project team, she responded by forming her robotic arm into an obscene gesture," Banerdt said. "That arm contains a state-of-the-art spectrometer meant to provide crucial mineralogy data."
"Hopefully these malfunctions will straighten themselves out," Callas said. "In the meantime, we'll simply have to try to glean what usable data we can from 'OVERPRICED SPACE-ROOMBA AWAITING MORE ... ORDERS.'"