No Way Out?
No way out from this small road in Antalya
Being a tough guy can hurt sometimes:
The unnamed perp, along with two accomplices, "attempted to kidnap a teenager in a dispute over stereo speakers" in South Wichita on Monday afternoon. The shooter first fired a shot at the intended victim, but missed. He then "jammed the gun back into the waistband of his pants", at which point it went off and popped a cap in his left testicle.
This unsurprisingly caused him to "cringe" which provoked a second discharge which hit him in the left calf. He was cuffed after walking into a medical centre, and later booked into Sedgwick County Jail on suspicion of "aggravated assault and aggravated attempted kidnapping".
Li Jie, who describes himself as chief executive of the Lunar Embassy to China and once tried to sell land on the moon, sought a permit to sell "World Cup air" for 50 yuan ($6.30) a bag to soccer enthusiasts unable to make the trip to Germany this year.
His idea was that fans could hang the green plastic bag around their necks and breathe in the air while watching World Cup matches on television, local media reported.
"The 'special air from special places' I am talking about includes the Olympics, Tiananmen Square, Mount Everest ... the moon, a pigsty, a horse paddock, a sheep pen -- even Chaoyang District No. 3 Court," Li said.
If you like the product, why not apply for a job:
Chief Executive Officer
The sole purpose of a Chief Executive Officer on the Microsoft Board of Directors, is to be entertaining. The board cannot hope to discuss mergers and acquisitions through the long hours of the evening without a wise cracking CEO jumping around. Thus we are striving to finding that special person who can put the love , and laughs back into day long discussions of taking out the European Antitrust Commission. Being able to lick your elbows is also a huge advantage.
The Onion Reports on Spirit's low spirit:
But as the winter lingered, Spirit began producing thousands of pages of sometimes rambling and dubious data, ranging from complaints that the Martian surface was made up almost entirely of the same basalt, to long-winded rants questioning the exorbitant cost and scientific relevance of the mission
"Granted, Spirit has been extraordinarily useful to our work," Callas said. "Last week, however, we received three straight days of images of the same rock with the message 'HAPPY NOW?'"
Once, when we radioed her to please leave the lecturing and hypothesis-making to the mission project team, she responded by forming her robotic arm into an obscene gesture," Banerdt said. "That arm contains a state-of-the-art spectrometer meant to provide crucial mineralogy data."
"Hopefully these malfunctions will straighten themselves out," Callas said. "In the meantime, we'll simply have to try to glean what usable data we can from 'OVERPRICED SPACE-ROOMBA AWAITING MORE ... ORDERS.'"
I have had my share of bad luck days but I have never heard of anyone as accident prone as this guy:
Cook got off to a poor start in life, and it never got any better. Cook's accident-proneness started before he was born. He nearly died before birth as his mother nearly miscarried. As a child he suffered many serious accidents. He broke his collarbone, suffered brain hemorrhage due to a playground accident, had his spleen removed due to an injury playing touch football.
He then had a go cart accident while a teen, a near-fatal car accident before attending university, and spent five months in a come due to another car accident while at university. While employed as a computer programmer, Cook broke his back three times and broke ribs in various car accidents and falls. To his credit, he fought back from serious injury to regain his health.
Mario Visnjic got a nasty surprise after swimming naked of Valalta beach in Croatia:
His testicles had shrunk while he was in the cool sea and slipped through the wooden slats when he sat back down on his wooden deckchair.
But as he lay in the sun for some time they expanded back to their normal size and got stuck between the narrow strips of wood.
All is well that ends well; he managed to get loose after calling beach maintenance services.
I have long suspected this, but now it is official. One in three members of the Italian parliament use drugs:
ROME, Oct. 12, 2006 — Imagine if 15 American congressmen tested positive for using cocaine.
Then another dozen were found to have smoked hash. And then imagine that the evidence came from an experiment by a television show.
Well, it's happened in Italy after a popular TV program that specializes in satire took it to another level.
No strangers to scandal, or backlash, the nation's honorable members of parliament are front-page news again. This time, over drug use and abuse.
The results indicated that of the 50 tested, close to a third had indulged within the previous 36 hours — four tested positive for cocaine, 12 for marijuana.
Commies on drugs, where will this end…
They don't call them "airbags" for nothing;
A Bulgarian woman driver escaped relatively unscathed from a head-on pile-up with another vehicle when her 40DD breast implants absorbed most of the impact, Ananova reports.
Elena Marinova, 24, of Sofia, pranged her motor in the northern city of Ruse. Both cars were written off and the other driver seriously injured, local paper Standart reported.
A police expert explained: "[The implants] worked just like airbags - protecting the victim's ribs and vital organs from damage." He did, however, add: "They are not as safe as the real thing because they exploded, which airbags are not supposed to do."
All you have to do is attach the transmitter to your dog's collar, input its breed and other information into the handheld receiver, and you'll be able to read the furry guy's mind like a book. Well, at least like a mono-colored face on an LCD screen. And for those who just love being judged, the BowLingual will even give you an MBF (Man's Best Friend) Score to grade how good your relationship with your dog is
A mortician was working late one night. He was examining the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, when he made a startling discovery: Schwartz had the largest penis he had ever seen! "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented. "I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity."
So he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase and took it home. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.
"My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead!"
A Swiss freighter carrying tapioca nearly sank when a fire slowly cooked the cargo:
The biggest tapioca pudding in the world is cooking in the hold of a fire-swept Swiss freighter and threatening to split the vessel at its seams.
"It's like a huge tapioca time bomb," said an incredulous fire chief today as he watched the smoldering 12,165-ton Cassarate at the Cardiff docks.
Fireman earlier controlled the fire which started in timber stacked in the upper holds 25 days ago at sea. The crew kept the smoldering timber dampened until the ship docked here late [on September 12].
But the water from the Cardiff hoses seeped down to the lower holds where 1,500 tons of tapioca from Thailand were stored.
The water swelled the tapioca and the heat from the flames started to cook the sticky mess.
The swelling tapioca — enough to serve a million plates — could buckle the ship's steel plates, fire chiefs warned.
"It's got to burst somewhere," one said. "It will take dockers a couple of days to clear the smoldering lumber before we can reach the tapioca."
NASA spokeswoman Kelly Humphries initially told CNN: "The situation is stable. The crew was asked to put on some protective gear." He said the odour was "not normal".
Later Mike Suffredini, manager of the space station program, said: "It's an irritant, not a life-threatening material."
"All readings well below anything that we would be worried about," he added.
The stench first appeared at 6.23am Houston time. The source is still unknown.
Mrs Li from Hohhot, the capital of Chinese Inner Mongolia, admitted her dog was "was fond of crouching on the steering wheel and often watched her drive". Accordingly, she decided it was a bright idea to "let the dog 'have a try' while she operated the accelerator and brake" - with inevitable results.
As in; the most exaggerated way over the top, waste of money, swiss army knife:
It weighs 1kg, costs $1.200 and is only made on order but at least you get a lot of tools:
1. 2.5” 60% Serrated locking blade
2. Nail file, nail cleaner
4. Adjustable pliers with wire crimper and cutter
5. Removable screwdriver bit adapter
6. 2.5” Blade for Official World Scout Knife
7. Spring-loaded, locking needle-nose pliers with wire cutter
8. Removable screwdriver bit holder
9. Phillips head screwdriver bit 0
10. Phillips head screwdriver bit 1
11. Phillips head screwdriver bit 2
12. Flat head screwdriver bit 0.5 mm x 3.5 mm
13. Flat head screwdriver bit 0.6 mm x 4.0 mm
14. Flat head screwdriver bit 1.0 mm x 6.5 mm
15. Magnetized recessed bit holder
16. Double-cut wood saw with ruler (inch & cm)
17. Bike chain rivet setter, removable 5m allen wrench, screwdriver for slotted and Phillips head screws
18. Removable tool for adjusting bike spokes, 10m hexagonal key for nuts
19. Removable 4mm curved allen wrench with Phillips head screwdriver
20. Removable 10mm hexagonal key
21. Patented locking Phillips head screwdriver
22. Universal wrench
23. Laser pointer with 300 ft. range
24. 1.65” Clip point utility blade
25. Metal saw, metal file
26. 4 mm allen wrench
27. 2.5” blade
28. Fine metal file with precision screwdriver
29. Double-cut wood saw
30. Cupped cigar cutter with double-honed edges
31. 12/20-Gauge choke tube tool
32. Watch caseback opening tool
33. Snap shackle
34. Telescopic pointer
35. Compass, straight edge, ruler (in./cm)
36. Mineral crystal magnifier with precision screwdriver
37. 2.4” Springless scissors with serrated, self-sharpening design
38. Shortix key
40. Fish scaler, hook disgorger, line guide
41. Micro tool holder
42. Micro tool adapter
43. Micro scraper-straight
45. Fine fork for watch spring bars
46. Pin punch 1.2 mm
47. Pin punch .8 mm
48. Round needle file
49. Removable tool holder with expandable receptacle
50. Removable tool holder
51. Multi-purpose screwdriver
52. Flat Phillips head screwdriver
53. Flat head screwdriver bit 0.5 mm x 3.5 mm
54. Spring loaded, locking flat nose nose-pliers with wire cutter
55. Phillips head screwdriver bit 0
56. Phillips head screwdriver bit 1
57. Phillips head screwdriver bit 2
58. Flat head screwdriver bit 0.5 mm x 3.5 mm
59. Flat head screwdriver bit 0.6 mm x 4.0 mm
60. Flat head screwdriver bit 1.0 mm x 6.5 mm
61. Can opener
62. Phillips head screwdriver
63. 2.5” Clip point blade
64. Golf club face cleaner
65. 2.4” Round tip blade
66. Patented locking screwdriver, cap lifter, can opener
67. Golf shoe spike wrench
68. Golf divot repair tool
69. Micro straight-curved
70. Special tool holder
71. Phillips head screwdriver 1.5mm
72. Screwdriver 1.2 mm
73. Screwdriver .8 mm
74. Mineral crystal magnifier, fork for watch spring bars, small ruler
75. Removable screwdriver bit holder
76. Magnetized recessed bit holder
77. Tire tread gauge
79. Patented locking screwdriver, cap lifter, wire stripper
80. Special Key
84. Key ring
85. Second key ring
The unnamed 42-year-old was driving his old Citroen in the Slovak town of Levice when the accident occurred. Police officer Peter Polak told Reuters: "It's very likely he had auto-sex while driving: it is a matter of investigation. After the accident he was found lying in the seat, his pants were off and it [the pump] was placed on his penis."
The man was taken to hospital with "head injuries", the report concludes.
I just cannot bring myself to believe this:
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are auctioning a bronze statue of baby Suri's first "contribution" to the world. "A bronzed cast of a baby's first poop can be a meaningful memento for the family."
What on earth do you use a statue like that for? As a paper weight? Nobody will ever convince me that what ends up in a diaper looks good (not to mention the smell).
What can you do when your boss asks you give more than 100% at work?
Assigning one number to each letter in the alphabet:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
We get the following:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26
One key for working well is "K N O W L E D G E":
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
Good, but not enough. Let's try with some "H A R D W O R K":
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
Still not enough. What about some "A T T I T U D E"?
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
Very good but still not over 100%. Maybe some "B U L L S H I T" helps?
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
Better than doing knowledge, hard work and attitude, but the only way to give more than 100% is by…
"K I S S I N G A S S"
Thanks for the tip Rik
Staring at hairy butts (check out the examples on the site) is not my idea of fun but boobology has a nice ring to it. I'm sure you can say about about a woman from them and being paid $125 to look at them doesn't sound half bad.
Thanks for the tip Alberto
...or at least glow in the dark. BBC has more on the three pigs that "glow in the dark".
The pigs are transgenic, created by adding genetic material from jellyfish into a normal pig embryo.
In daylight, the researchers say the pigs' eyes, teeth and trotters look green. Their skin has a greenish tinge.
In the dark, shine a blue light on them and they glow torch-light bright.
The $100 burger doesn't look like much but contains meat from three continents; American prime beef, and meat from Japanese Kobe and Argentine cattle.
Where? The Boca Raton Resort and Club, where a membership costs $40,000 and an additional $3,600 a year.
WASHINGTON, DC—A team of leading historians and psychiatrists issued a report Wednesday claiming that the United States was likely the victim of abuse by its founding fathers and motherland when it was a young colony.
The War of 1812, an example of early abuse by the motherland.
"In its adulthood, the U.S. displays all the classic tendencies of a nation that was repeatedly mistreated in its infancy—difficulty forming lasting foreign relationships, viewing everyone as a potential enemy, and employing a pattern of assault and intimidation to assert its power," said Dr. Howard Drexel, the report's lead author. "Because of trust issues stemming from the abuse, America has become withdrawn, has not made an ally in years, and often resents the few nations that are willing to lend support—most countries outgrow this kind of behavior after 230 years."
"America compensated for early mistreatment by taking out this pent-up aggression on other nations—getting involved in aggressive conflicts seemingly just for the thrill of it, starting arguments and wars that can't be won, suspecting that everyone is out to get them," Drexel said. "This nation needs help, but by its very nature, refuses to accept it."
Comparative trial of Girlfriend 6.0 vs. Wife 1.0
Last year a friend of mine upgraded from GirlFriend 6.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog leaving very little system resources available for other applications. He is now noticing that Wife 1.0 is also spawning Child Processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application.
I myself decided to avoid the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 7.0. Even here, however, I found many problems. Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 7.0 on top of Girlfriend 6.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 6.0 first. Other users say this is a long standing bug that I should have known about. Apparently the versions of Girlfriend have conficts over shared use of the I/O port. You think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now. To make matters worse, The uninstall program for Girlfriend 6.0 doesn't work very well leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system. Another thing -- all versions of Girlfriend continually popup little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0.
Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high-maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 3.1 and Diamonds 2K. Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary with Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
The Football World cup is not only bad for traffic, it will bring the British internet to a halt as well:
The British broadcaster plans to offer broadband-connected office workers the chance to watch World Cup games at their desks. The move risks bringing corporate networks to a halt, warns network management firm Packeteer, in what we suspect will be the first in a string of announcements for networking vendors on the subject.
A warning to all drivers: Don't drive when the 2006 Football World Cup matches are on as there will be a huge rise in the number of car accidents when drivers rush home to see their teams:
During the Euro 2004 championship, the accident rate went up by more than 50 per cent.
It has been proved: your ears grow longer with age:
In 1999, Dr VF Ferrario and four colleagues from the Functional Anatomy Research Centre at the University of Milan in Italy, writing in the Journal of Craniofacial Genetic Developmental Biology, present evidence that not only do ears get longer with age, but it happens to both women and men. Men’s ears start out longer than women's and they stay that way.
Why ears grow longer with age? Gravity over time forces every body appendage to sag. The bane of human aging: If it can sag, it will sag! Ears included.
Someone just paid £1.500.000 for the number 666 6666:
Having seven sixes as your mobile number might seem devilish to some, but interpretations vary. A brief dip into the weird world of numerology shows 666 is seen as holy in Judaism because it represents six directions - up, down, north, south, east and west. Others equate it with the Arabic word "ellah" meaning God.
On a techy note, the first Apple Computer sold for $666.66, the sixth letter of the Hebrew alphabet is w - so www. shows how evil the internet is. And finally, Viagra has a molecular weight of 666g/mol.
Did you know about America's secret plan to invade Canada?
At a length of 5,522 miles (8,891 kilometers), Canada and the United States share the longest non-militarized border in the world.
U.S. Army was to attack in force on three fronts – advancing from North Dakota towards Winnipeg, moving from Vermont to capture Montreal and Quebec, and moving from the upper Midwest to take over the nickel mines of Ontario. The plan also called for a convoy to travel up Route 99 to Vancouver, and for the British colonies in the Caribbean to be taken. The goal of the U.S. was not only to defeat Canada, but to claim it as a prize
The Toilet Lid Sink lets you wash while you flush:
With each flush of your commode, clean water that would otherwise go straight down the toilet is first routed up through a chrome gooseneck spigot to dispense pure water for hand washing. The Toilet Lid Sink installs easily without tools, is attractive for any bathroom and is a great space saver. Shuts off automatically. Porcelain-like white plastic replaces your existing tank top and adjusts to fit standard toilets up to 8in wide and 18-22in long. Built-in soap dish. Overhang varies up to 1.5in.
$180.000 is needed to fix the damage to the F-22 Raptor when they liberated the pilot:
A fire crew had to cut open the canopy of a US Air Force Lockheed Martin F-22A Raptor fighter with chainsaws on 10 April to free the pilot, who had been trapped inside for 5h.
The Raptor stealth fighter, heralded as the most technologically-advanced fighter in the world, entered service in January after 19 years of development. Each jet costs around $134 million per unit.
The canopy became stuck in the down and locked position and could not be opened manually after the pilot cycled the mechanism several times, following a pre-flight warning that the canopy was unlocked.
Via The Register
Prestigiosa azienda informatica ricerca con urgenza un sistemistacon competenze negli ambienti Solaris, Shell e Directory.
Completa il profilo la capacità di interfacciare Sql a un DB.
People sometimes ask me how it is to live in Milano. Well... it is full of Italians which makes life interesting:
A car was pulled over north east of Milan for zigzagging across the highway. The polizia making the stop was confronted by the sight of a 70-year-old woman in her birthday suit attempting to have sex with the 59-year-old male driver
Change an Infant's Diaper Video for mobile devices:
Take Five Films in conjunction with El Dorado Media and the makers of the award winning "Daddy''s Tool Bag" bring you this roughly 6 minutes and 30 seconds of video that provides an overview of how to change a baby's diaper. This Video should not be considered a detailed review of this topic and we recommend that you seek additional resources before you undertake this as a challenge. Nonetheless, we hope you enjoy this glimpse into the world of Changing a Baby's Diaper. Have Fun!
Do you suffer from the nightmare of suspicion and doubt caused by the infidelity of a cheating spouse? Find out what's really going on, the quick and easy way with the CheckMate 5 Minute Infidelity Test Kit.™
The CheckMate 5 Minute Infidelity Test Kit is the patented home use semen detection test kit that tells you "what's really going on" by detecting traces of dried semen that can be found in underwear after sex.
It's like having your own C.S.I. in a box. The quick and easy CheckMate 5 Minute Infidelity Test Kit is designed specifically for use in the home by untrained consumes and comes with complete instructions and toll free customer support. She brings the evidence home to you without even knowing it. Find out what's really going on today with the CheckMate 5 Minute Infidelity Test Kit.
The device we have all been wishing for when we're stuck in traffic: a device that can change stop lights from red to green.:
A man who said he bought a device that allowed him to change stop lights from red to green received a $50 ticket for suspicion of interfering with a traffic signal.
Niccum was issued a citation March 29 after police said they found him using a strobe-like device to change traffic signals. Police confiscated the device.
"I'm always running late," police quoted Niccum as saying in an incident report.
The device, called an Opticon, is similar to what firefighters use to change lights when they respond to emergencies. It emits an infrared pulse that receivers on the traffic lights pick up.
Meet Herman., the 3 feet tall bunny:
"I don't feed him an unusual diet," said Wagner. "He goes through more than his brothers and sisters, but he eats the same food mix. His favorite food is actually lettuce. He can never get enough of it."
Herr Hare is unusual in another way, he noted. "Unlike some other rabbits I've had, he’s really a gentle character — a gentle giant."
Looking for the worst products and services for sale on the internet? Crap.com is the internet guide to all the crap you can buy on the internet:
More and more people are relying on the Internet to purchase products and services. Unfortunately, there are literally hundreds -- if not thousands -- of websites purporting to offer crappy stuff.
Crap.com is a unique place where we bring together only the creme de la creme of the crap on the net. A showcase of super information highway crap-du-jour, if you will. Updated every seven days, come here to see what's hot in crap.
We hope it will make your Internet shopping experience a more successful one.
I hope the Olympics in Vancouver will be better than the one in Torino but it doesn't look the best judging by this Q&A:
Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 Winter Olympics these are some questions people the world over are asking!!!! Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website (frightening, isn't it!)
Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.
Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto-can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.
Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing.
He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"OH NO!" the president exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the president sits, head in hands.
Finally, the president looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"