Friday, November 30, 2007

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Be polite

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

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Caution, water on road!

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Shoplifters will...

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

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How many nationalities can you offend in one joke?

On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere, the following
people are stranded:



  • 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman

  • 2 French men and 1 French woman

  • 2 German men and 1 German woman

  • 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman

  • 2 English men and 1 English woman

  • 2 Polish men and 1 Polish woman

  • 2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman

  • 2 American men and 1 American woman

  • 2 Australian men and 1 Australian woman

  • 2 New Zealand men and 1 New Zealand woman

  • 2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman

One month later, the following things have occurred:



  • One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.

  • The two French men and the French woman are living happily together having loads of sex.

  • The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman.

  • The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.

  • The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.

  • The Polish men took a long look at the endless ocean and one look at the Polish woman and they started swimming.

  • The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide, while the American woman keeps on bitching about her body being her own, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything that they can do, about the necessity of fulfilment, the equal division of household chores, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her much nicer and how her relationship with her mother is improving. But at least the taxes here are low and it is not raining.

  • The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are waiting for instructions.

  • The two Australian men beat each other senseless fighting over the Australian woman, who is checking out all the other men, after calling
    them both 'bloody wankers".

  • Both New Zealand men are searching the island for sheep.

  • The Irish began by dividing the island into North and South and setting up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut whiskey, but they are satisfied in that at least the English aren't getting any.

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Not my job

Monday, November 26, 2007

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Share the pain

A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital to give birth, and the doctor told them that he had developed an experimental machine and asked if they'd like to try it out. He explained carefully that the machine could take some of the pain of childbirth from the mother and give it to the father.


Both the husband and the wife thought this was a wonderful idea, and decided to give it a try. The doctor set the knob on the machine to ten percent for starters, explaining to the man that even ten percent was probably more pain than he had ever experienced. But the man was surprised at how little pain he felt and asked the doctor to go ahead and turn it up a notch.


The doctor twisted the knob up to twenty percent, and checked the husband's blood pressure, which was fine. Amazed, the doctor turned the knob again and increased the pain threshold to fifty percent.


Still feeling nothing, the husband encouraged the doctor to give him ALL the pain. Again, dumbfounded, the doctor increased the load to one hundred percent. After his wife had given birth, the man stood up, stretched a little, and helped his wife into the car, both of them feeling fine.


When they got home, they found the mailman dead on the doorstep.

Friday, November 23, 2007

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Men & Women: the difference

A succesful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A succesful woman is one who can find such a man.


A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one-dollar item he needs.
A woman will pay one dollar for a two-dollar item that she doesn't need.


To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.


A woman marries a man expecting that he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.


A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.


Any married man should forget his mistakes - no use two people remembering the same thing.


A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that
is the beginning of a new argument.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

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Americanized

Fu, Bu and Chu immigrated to the USA from China.  They decided to become American citizens, and "Americanize" their  names.
Bu, called himself "Buck."
Chu called himself "Chuck."
Fu decided to return to China.

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How many people?

Count them. Wait 10 seconds and then count them again...



 

Monday, November 19, 2007

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World Toilet Day (November 19)

November 19 is World Toilet Day




The purpose of having this day is to have people in all countries to take action, increase awareness of toilet user’s right to a better toilet environment, and to demand for it from toilet owners. As such, it is also the toilet user’s duty to contribute towards its also the toilet user’s duty to contribute towards its maintenance, cleanliness and hygiene. The public marks the day to practice toilet etiquette, the restroom community-at-large celebrates with a new declaration for the forthcoming year. 


Wonder if you will win this inspiring price if you do a good job of practicing toilet etiquette:


Proud WTO supporters can buy gadgets at the World Toilet Organization store