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Be polite

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Steep hill

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Caution, water on road!

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Shoplifters will...

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How many nationalities can you offend in one joke?

On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere, the following
people are stranded:

• 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman


• 2 French men and 1 French woman


• 2 German men and 1 German woman


• 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman


• 2 English men and 1 English woman


• 2 Polish men and 1 Polish woman


• 2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman


• 2 American men and 1 American woman


• 2 Australian men and 1 Australian woman


• 2 New Zealand men and 1 New Zealand woman


• 2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman

One month later, the following things have occurred:

• One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.


• The two French men and the French woman are living happily together having loads of sex.


• The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman.


• The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.


• The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.


• The Polish men took a long look at the endless ocean and one look at the Polish woman and they started swimming.


• The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide, while the American woman keeps on bitching about her body being her own, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything that they can do, about the necessity of fulfilment, the equal division of household chores, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her much nicer and how her relationship with her mother is improving. But at least the taxes here are low and it is not raining.


• The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are waiting for instructions.


• The two Australian men beat each other senseless fighting over the Australian woman, who is checking out all the other men, after calling
  them both 'bloody wankers".


• Both New Zealand men are searching the island for sheep.


• The Irish began by dividing the island into North and South and setting up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut whiskey, but they are satisfied in that at least the English aren't getting any.

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Not my job

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Share the pain

A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital to give birth, and the doctor told them that he had developed an experimental machine and asked if they'd like to try it out. He explained carefully that the machine could take some of the pain of childbirth from the mother and give it to the father.

Both the husband and the wife thought this was a wonderful idea, and decided to give it a try. The doctor set the knob on the machine to ten percent for starters, explaining to the man that even ten percent was probably more pain than he had ever experienced. But the man was surprised at how little pain he felt and asked the doctor to go ahead and turn it up a notch.

The doctor twisted the knob up to twenty percent, and checked the husband's blood pressure, which was fine. Amazed, the doctor turned the knob again and increased the pain threshold to fifty percent.

Still feeling nothing, the husband encouraged the doctor to give him ALL the pain. Again, dumbfounded, the doctor increased the load to one hundred percent. After his wife had given birth, the man stood up, stretched a little, and helped his wife into the car, both of them feeling fine.

When they got home, they found the mailman dead on the doorstep.