Mr. Schwartz is dead
A mortician was working late one night. He was examining the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, when he made a startling discovery: Schwartz had the largest penis he had ever seen! "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented. "I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity."
So he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase and took it home. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.
"My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead!"