1960.aspx

CrapAndCrapability stinks worse than ever

It looks like the personal hygiene remedies recommend by Google in March did not do the trick as it now suggest stronger remedies like Industrial Odor Control.

1959.aspx

Wanted: Toilet flushers

A lot of crap went down the drains when the Cajundome and Convention Center was used as a refugee center during the hurricanes Katrina and Rita. The managers of the Cajundome wants to make sure the plumbing systems are working properly and are looking for volunteers toilet flushers to spend 15 to 20 minutes flushing toilet paper down the 220 or so toilets and testing the urinals.

1949.aspx

The worst crap you got for Christmas?

The worst crap I got for Christmas 2005 was several boxes of chocolate. I keep getting them every year and end up leaving them with my parents as the luggage is overweight enough as it is on the way home. I had a major cleaning operation last year and threw away several unopened boxes from last milennium...
 
The worst crap I gave? I expected it to be a set of perfumes I bought but it turned out to be a HP Photosmart digital camera I bought for my mum. It charges just fine but it refuses to turn on when I open the cover :-(  What a crap way to spend Christmas: opening support tickets with HP and the site that sold me the camera.

(P.S. I posted this a week late due to "practical problems")

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Troubled waters ahead: changing telco provider

I am changing telco provider this week so my site and mail will go offline for a (hopefully) short time.

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$5.95 for a two page e-book on Amazon.com!

I was researching material for a post on SCOTTEVEST when I came across this this SCOTTEVEST related product on Amazon.com:

Worth a look: cyberwear.(SCOTTeVEST Covert Jacket for travelers) : An article from: Security Management [HTML]
by Peter Piazza

List Price:   $5.95 
Price:   $5.95 

Availability: Available for download now. Ships from and sold by Amazon.com. See more on holiday shipping.
Edition: e-doc (a web browser)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Product Details

Format: HTML
Printable: Yes
Mac OS Compatible: Yes
Windows Compatible: Yes
Handheld Compatible: Yes
Digital: 2 pages
Publisher: Thomson Gale; ISBN: B000BQJLTE; (October 1, 2005)
Amazon.com Sales Rank:
Today: None
Yesterday: None
Required Free Software: Any web browser

Come again? $5.95 for a 2 page ebook in html format? For, what looks like, a 538 word product review???

I admit there are less words in my post on the latest  SeV 4.0 jackets, but at least it's free :-)

1454.aspx

How to get rich on the internet

First the million dollar home page:

Now this:

This one red paperclip is currently sitting on my desk next to my computer. I want to trade this one red paperclip with you for something bigger or better, maybe a pen, a spoon, or perhaps a boot. If you promise to make the trade I will come and visit you, wherever you are, to trade. I'm going to make a continuous chain of 'up trades' until I get a house.

Believe it or not; he has already traded up from the paper clip to a snowmobile...

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Find the female bird

Look at the image of the two birds below and try to discover which one is female. Difficult as it may sound, most people men should solve the problem in no time even if they are not trained ornithologists...

Thanks Matteo

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The plant that smells like crap

The "corpse plant" (titan arum) doesn't smell bad, it stinks like crap.

Now that it's in bloom, the plant has also started emitting a smell that's drawn comparisons to garbage, spoiled meat, and rotting fish. But the plant's stench is actually the key to its survival: carrion beetles and other pollinators in its native Sumatra are attracted to the smell, Kress said.
...
"It's not as rancid as roadkill, but it's got a pretty potent smell," he said.

Talk about saying it with a flower!

Via CNN

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Holy Crapper!

Give us today our daily TP

Via Digitalfog News

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Crocodiles go hungry due to shortage of tourists

What a fantastic headline: Crocodiles go hungry due to shortage of tourists

"They have bred rapidly. I started with 12 crocodiles in 1959 and now the numbers are in the thousands," Lo said.
...
Lo spends more than Rp 500,000 (US$52) a day for one ton of chicken meat. Weekdays are generally slow for the farm, with only a handful of visitors, and while he had hundreds in the weekends, including a number of overseas tourists, he says the money does not cover his costs.

Via Digitalfog News

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Crap phones block the Finish sewers

As phones get smaller they are easier to loose and fall in places where you do -not- want to pick it up:

Helsink Water didn't supply exact numbers, but dropping mobiles down the loo is pretty common elsewhere too. In the UK alone, as estimated 600,000 mobiles are flushed every year. As mobile phones get smaller and smaller, this number will undoubtedly increase, although dropping a cell phone down the pan is still only number six on a list of mobile phone accidents compiled by Swedish retailers. Most mobiles apparently come a cropper as a result of tight jeans.

Via The Register

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Darwinism or Intelligent Design?

Scott Adams really started something with the thread of posts on Darwinism vs Intelligent  Design on The Dilbert Blog

In chronological order:

• Intelligent Design, Part 1


• Intelligent Design Part 2


• Who Is Credible to Me?


• Why I’m Stupid

1430.aspx

The mouse is stuck and my printer is not working

User: My printer is not working!
Help desk: Which error message do you get?

User: I do not get any error message, but the mouse is stuck!
Help desk: The mouse is stuck? It has nothing to do with your printer problem!

User: Wait a moment, I will send you a picture via e-mail
Help desk: OK...

 

1414.aspx

Scarmageddon

Ouch.
Scarmageddon: people posting pictures of their worst scars. Do NOT check out the Top 10 scars if you have been eating (or plan to eat in the near future). You can even filter the pictures by category; "Still bleeding", " Open wound", "Stitched wound" etc.

I was going to post a picture but decided against it. I'll leave you with the description of one of the top 10 pictures instead:

I went off a downhill jump going pretty fast. Enough time in the air for me to see my wheel fall off and think "oh sh*t". I woke up about 15 feet from where I had taken off in a patch of rocks the size of my fist and couldn't see from the blood in my eyes. I regained a little consciousness and dragged myself myself out of the woods where two guys saw me and used my cell phone to call someone. What you can't see from the pics are the 70 or so stitches on the inside my mouth and three broken teeth. I been hurt a bunch of times, but seeing my own skull through the gaping wound on my temple was the single sickest thing I've seen.

1405.aspx

Real Man of the year awards

The “man of the year“ awards if the average man got to choose...

Third position

Second position

And the winner, in first position, is:

Thanks Kjetil

1402.aspx

Step by step photo story: how to cook rats

Out of ideas for that special dinner that will keep the guest discussing it for a while? Why not cook some rat?

The end result doesn't look that bad actually:

Until you think about what it is and how it is prepared:

Via linkfilter

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Ahhh, that feels better

Via orenikki

1395.aspx

Getting your revenge with superglue

No pictures in this horror story as it hurts enough just to read about the girl that got creative with superglue when the boyfriend left her:

After inviting Slaby over to her home and waiting for him to fall asleep, O'Toole superglued his genitals to his abdomen, glued his buttocks together, and used nail polish it to write a profanity on his back. Slaby had to walk a mile to a gas station to call for help.
...
But O'Toole's attorney contended that the incident was nothing more than part of the couple's adventurous, consensual sex.

Just think about it for one second. Imagine walking one mile with your buttocks glued together and your genitals glued up your belly. But all things considered, I guess it is better than having it cut of completely

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Bombs away!

Via orenikki

1393.aspx

Restroom with panel of judges

The Sofitel Queenstown hotel has an interesting urinal: 

No wonder it is the most popular room in the new $45 million hotel.

Via [Urban Legends]

1390.aspx

The end of Halloween

1388.aspx

Airline mechanics with a sense of humor

This one made me laugh out loud.

Qantas pilots fill out complaint sheets which they give to the mechanics. They fix the problems and return the sheet before the next flight. The pilots have fun flying, so it is only fair that the mechanics have fun filling in the forms.

P = The problem logged by the pilot
S = The solution and action taken by mechanics

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
----------------------------------------
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
----------------------------------------
P: Aircraft handles funny. 
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
---------------------------------------
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
----------------------------------------
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
----------------------------------------
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

Check out the full list at paul.bz

1387.aspx

How to avoid crying when cutting/chopping onions

I got this strange advice a few weeks ago:

Stick out your tounge while you cut / chop the onions and you will no longer have problems with watering eyes

I did not believe it but I have tried it several times and it works...
( at least the kids have fun while helping me with dinner :-)

1384.aspx

Some tattoos look good, ...

but some tattoos look like crap:

Or is it a bad case of The Black Plague?

1383.aspx

24x7 Chick Cam

No, not the kind of chicks you think off. These are real chicks that go cluck:

HenTV, based in Weston-super-Mare, South West England, lets you follow the life of the birds 24 hours a day.

The most reliable place on the net to check the status of the Bird Flu in the UK?

1376.aspx

Games that scare the crap out of you

wham! reviews the top 5 games that scare the crap out of you:

• Resident Evil 4


• The Suffering: Ties that bind


• Doom 3


• F.E.A.R.:


• Condemned: criminal origins

This screen shot from Resident Evil 4 gives you the idea what they are talking about:

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Too many bad news? Try the Good News Blog

Not everything on the net is crap. Get your daily dose of anti-crap on the Good News Blog

1368.aspx

When instant messaging becomes instant addiction

'Steven' sent 300 e-mails per day to his girlfriend (more than 1 mail every 2 minutes) and spent $8000 on SMS/text messaging in a year!!!

He was sending about 700 texts a week and resigned from his job after bosses found out he had sent 8,000 e-mails in one month.
….
"On any one day, he was sending about 300 e-mails to his girlfriend. He was texting her every day and probably spending £20 to £30 a week on texts."
..

1357.aspx

Doom - the movie

Playing first person shooters is bad enough, but watching someone else run through a game at max speed makes me dizzy. I wonder how I will feel after watching Doom - the movie. Half of the movie is shot in first-person perspecitve! Check out the wild trailer.

1356.aspx

Candy undies

Sweet and exciting gifts for a sweetheart:
Candy bra

Candy g-string

1353.aspx

It is a pleasure texting with TheToy

Text until you moan with The Toy

No reason to be jealous; the SMS must include a 6 character secret tag to turn on the gadget and your friend:

• Wireless Bluetooth connection to your mobile phone 


• Simple to use - power on, press play, you're ready


• The Toy only responds to your lover's tagged messages


• It only reacts when you choose to read the message


• Each letter has a different effect


• Virtually unlimited range of motions, speeds and times


• Play all day from a single 4 hour charge
  

Which brings me to the Audio Oh. Not bluetooth, but sure to bring pleasure to iPOD lovers:

Both are lot more "enjoyable" than a whole range of other bluetooth and usb gadgets:

• ear vacuum cleaner


• microscope


• cup warmer

Via [Bordoni]

1351.aspx

Mapo Elkann

Some background info on Lapo Elkann if you don't get it: Lapo Elkann has recently been in hospital, recovering from the effects of a “lethal cocktail” including cocaine, heroin and alcohol. The overdose was reported by a fifty-year-old transsexual called Patrizia:

Thanks Fabrizio

1349.aspx

Count again...

Clean your glasses, count the people, wait for them to change position and count again:

Thanks Fausto

1346.aspx

Tooth Paintings

Is that a spider in your mouth?

Yuck!

At least the owner of this Tooth Painting has some taste:

1315.aspx

Miaaaaauuuuuuu!

1314.aspx

Ziff Davies + Active PDF = SPAM

I have had enough. It is since March this year I am fighting a (loosing) battle against ActivePDF for SPAMing me.

It started pretty well as it didn't take long for ActivePDF to notice, and reply, to my first post about the spam; ActivePDF sold my e-mail address to SPAMers. As promised; I made the post invisible for a while and waited. And waited, and waited. After I while I lost my patience and posted my reply; ActivePDF Lost the battle against spam. Within a day ActivePDF replied with the following note:

Dear Sir,

Pursuant to our investigation, we received the following from ZiffDavis, the company you received the SPAM from :

(individual names blocked out)

"XXXXXXXXXXXXXX has confirmed that in the process of transferring ownership of all former Connexus Media Inc. subscriber records from E-NewlsetterPro (ENLP: the newsletter delivery system used to fulfill e-newsletter subscriptions) to ZDI, our developers exported all subscriber records, forgetting to omit/suppress activePDF records that were hosted within the ENLP database for the purposes of fulfilling a co-written activePDF newsletter targeting their clients & prospects.

Like XXXXXXXXXXXXXX, we too take this matter very seriously and have since (on 3/25/05) sent the complete activePDF file to XXXXXXXXXX and XXXXXXXXXX with strict instructions to remove these records from all Ziff Davis Media marketing files and also have them added to Ziff Davis Media’s global opt-out/suppression file in order to avoid all future communication from Ziff Davis to these activePDF records. It is understood that the activePDF records are not the property of Ziff Davis Media and were never intended to be included in the original transfer from Connexus Media to Ziff Davis Media."

As such, we would appreciate your removing this entry from your BLOG . Thank you.

Tim Sullivan
CEO
activePDF, Inc.

Shit happens, I thought and buried yet another post.

I completely forgot about the issue for a while until I got another SPAM. Same SPAMer as last time to the same account:

Received: from 43.75.omessage.com (205.162.43.75)
 by mail.XXXX.com with SMTP; Thu, 15 Sep 2005 09:07:18 GMT
From: "Baseline" <cross@eletters-zannounce.com>
To: activepdf@XXXX.com
Subject: Courtesy Subscription to IT Executives
Content-Type: multipart/alternative;
   boundary="----_NextPart_rb2No5M6Mlg77YdjEGS2zcB.aywAAuj.AADNfQE="
MIME-Version: 1.0
X-MailSessionID: rb2No5M6Mlg77YdjEGS2zcB.aywAAuj.AADNfQE=

No excuse is good enough hits time; ActivePDF and ZiffDavies continues to send unsolicited e-mails even after repeated requests to be removed from their lists. I will no longer recommend ActivePDF to my customers but base my solutions on open source alternatives like PDF Creator and I hope that you do as well.

1306.aspx

What do you do with a fat elephant

Make it run on a 16,000-pound treadmill to it keep from getting fat during the long, cold Alaskan winters:

They already made it loose 1,000 pounds by hiding food in baskets and other places that required some work to reach!

1303.aspx

Telecom Italia wants (all) your money

Telecom Italia recently launched the 892 892 service; the "number that gives numbers". It allows you to find persons and companies

The advertisement, in particular the jingle, drives me nuts. To make matters worse the costs of the service can make anyone bankrupt. You pay a 0.12 euro token as well as 0.03 euro per second. A short call of three minutes with the cheapest rate costs 0.12 + (0.03 x 180) = 5.52 euro.

The latest service, 1254,  allows you to find the telephone number of persons, companies, international numbers etc

The costs are slightly better than 892 892 as you only pay 0.36 euro for the token and 1.56 euro per minute. So you only pay 0.36 + (1.56 * 4) = 5.04 for 3 minutes.

The worst news of them all? Telecom Italia is raising the rates for ADSL companies that offer contracts without Telecom Italia as the voice provider.

That's living in Italy for you. 20 euros a month for a ADSL subscription. 40 if you want a static IP :-(

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Crapahildis and other "interesting" names

Check out the list of Dutch Women's Names to 1100. What do you think about Clodauuiua, Crapahildis or vulgar Wlgert?

Via William Gibson

1296.aspx

Java developers are heading for extinction!

Java is heading for extinction if all Java developers use the latest Sun technology released during the JavaOne conference:


Wonder if it was really released by Sun or if a Microsoft employee penetrated the conference…

1294.aspx

Ups, where did the mice go?

Physorg reports on the security problems in the University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey:

The FBI and New Jersey officials have started a hushed but intensive search for three missing lab mice reportedly infected with deadly strains of plague
…
The mice reportedly were infected with the bacterium Yersinia pestis that causes bubonic and other forms of plague.

I will be happy to lend them my killer cat, Mons, if they need a helping hand paw hunting down the critters.

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Real Italian WonderPizza?

I love Italian pizza but I cannot imagine what the vending machine variety tastes like.

The innovative machine holds, cooks and serves 9” whole pizza pies in just 2 minutes. There are 3 different pizzas available in each machine at one time.

They are still -far- behind the Japanese that have vending machines for more obscure items like used schoolgirl panties etc

Thanks for the tip Marco

1280.aspx

Is Google Earth dangerous for democracy?

Several countries are asking Google Earth to reduce the quality of the most sensitive pictures.

It is the first time that such high quality images have been made available to the most clueless computer user. But these images, and others with a lot higher quality, are readily available to organizations with cash (i.e. governments, terrorist organizations etc). There are several companies selling high quality satellite imaging for a lot of $$$ so blocking access to Google earth only hurts the regular guy and not the wannabe terrorist. Convince me that satellite imaging played an important part in 9/11 and I may change my mind.

1277.aspx

Crapman

A novel way to get back at your neighbors :

There's big trouble and bad smells a-brewing in a quiet residential district around the Kawashima Shotengai (shop district) in Nakano. Shops are going out of business. Residents are virtually sealed inside their homes. Police and city officials say their hands are tied. All because of an angry old man in his fifties who has a strange habit of cooking his own excrement and organic kitchen waste in his garden.

...

The trouble started about two and a half years ago when Crapman started boiling his own excrement and leftover food in his garden, and dumping the vile brew into a one meter square hole he dug in the ground there. Soon a foul smell started to permeate the neighborhood.:

The sad part is that the neighbors are helpless as the environmental regulations for bad smells are aimed at business and not individuals.

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3 for the price of 1

The big craze the last few years when shopping in Milano is ; 3 for the price of 2.

The person parking in the front of my house this evening went one better: 3 for the price of 1.

Believe it or not; the red car in the middle of the (bad quality) picture actually managed to block three perfectly good parking places on the first try. Impressive.

1243.aspx

Shagster

Warn the rest of the world before they discover the sad truth if your ex was crap at in bed at Shagster.

Or if you're curious; find out what other people say about your performance...

1224.aspx

Microsoft Virtual Earth: a virtual dream world

Microsoft Virtual Earth is truly virtual. It is a dream world (for Microsoft) without Apple:

And without 9/11:

Luckily Google Earth is more in touch with real life:

Via The Register: MSN Earth deletes Apple

1216.aspx

How Strange: a missing link

How Strange has a lot of weird photo shopped images by Dave Lee. I particularly like this one:

(The Missing Link)

This “melon“ falls into the weird category:

1211.aspx

Microsoft man wins Worlds Worst Writer award

The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction contest challenges the competitors to write the worst possible opening sentence to novels. Dan McKay, a 43-year-old quantitative analyst for Microsoft Great Plains, won this years competition with this entry:

As he stared at her ample bosom, he daydreamed of the dual Stromberg carburetors in his vintage Triumph Spitfire, highly functional yet pleasingly formed, perched prominently on top of the intake manifold, aching for experienced hands, the small knurled caps of the oil dampeners begging to be inspected and adjusted as described in chapter seven of the shop manual.

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Computers drive me nuts sometimes

Thanks Rik!

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Shaken faces

Shaken, not stirred, faces: